It is 5th November. I turn 34. 34! I believe that age is just a number, but then it also means a little more time has been spent from what I have been allotted! I so want you to stay with me for long as it turns out that I have learnt just recently how to live you and I want to make most out of you and the fact that you do end and unpredictably so scares me. You have always amazed me. You do that all the time.
Once upon a time I failed to understand you. I cursed you. Now that little bit of wisdom that you have gifted me with, I have come to understand what you are all about. Now, I thank you. I love you.
As I grow older, I do get worried that my share of living is diminishing day by day but I also appreciate the fact that with age you have given me the ability to discover your true beauty.
You know what Zindagi, I have always complained about the fact that you have been unfair to me, because no matter what I planned for, you always had something else in mind for me. I have hated you. You heard me right. I have hated you! When you took my father away from me. No matter how in many more ways I now appreciate you but this stab is going to stay in my heart always. You have no idea how my ears long for his voice to call my name, how badly I long for one hug from him. You have been so cruel! So ruthless!
But now I know, you are beautiful too! That’s the way you are..
You have given me the strength to fight the odds, courage to stand up for myself, ability to forgive, made me capable of giving love and above all your greatest gift to me is Realization!
You have made me discover my inner self. What I am. What I stand for. You have given me the vision to identify beauty and miracles in little things around me. You have been kind enough to let me realize the things that really matter and eventually realizing that those things aren’t actually things. Somewhere I read “there is a purpose for everything that happens in your life.” Now I know exactly what it means. Positive experiences give you happiness and negative.. lessons. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.
Dear Zindagi, you won’t see any more complaints coming from me. You have taught me to be thankful for what I have rather grieve for what I don’t. How beautifully this Persian poet, Saadi, has summarized one of your intricacies “I cried when I had no shoes until I saw a man without legs!”
Our lives are full of blessings, sometimes we just don’t know how to value them. Now I just count mine and thank you for all the priceless things you have blessed me with. Every morning as I wake up I feel fortunate that I am able to breathe, walk, smile..
I now know what to do with you. LIVE. Live every single moment. Because Passing is your another name. As in the words of Adlai E Stevenson, “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
What I have come to understand of you is that you are all about fighting back, dedication, motivation, perseverance, believing, having faith. You are full of pains and gains, joys and sorrows, beginnings and ends, celebrations and remorse, rewards and challenges. One has to live you, experience you. You are really short and that’s what makes you invaluable.
Dear Zindagi, you have also been the Best Teacher. As I reflect back, I realize I wouldn’t have been what I am today hadn’t you thrown those tough times my way. You have your own ways of making us better as a person which we often don’t understand. Like a joystick, first you break to only let us shine! What I am today is all because of you and I am really happy and proud of my new self.
I have also learned through this journey so far is that sometimes it’s okay not to think, not to imagine or to plan. Sometimes it’s okay to go with the flow while putting best of our efforts and hard work and have faith that everything will work out for the best.
I have already spent almost one-third of my time living others’ lives. What others would think, would they approve of it, thinking about all the what-ifs’. But I do that no longer. I no longer seek approval from others. I fight for what matters to me, no matter what. I follow my heart. I live for myself. I do what makes me happy. And all this ease eventually makes my soul happy. Please be the guiding star and take me where my happiness lies.
There is no better way to live than make yours the way you want it!
Your Courageous Child